i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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