Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
