the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
