Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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