pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im holly from the hills drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
