Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
