I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
