I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
