You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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