You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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