i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
