I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
