I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
