There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
