I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
