we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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