i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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