YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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