i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
