Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
