I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
