to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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