That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
