I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
