im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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