i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
