Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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