the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
