She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
