That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
