i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
