Nicole vs. Life
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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