You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
