I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
