new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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