Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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