He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
