the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
