i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had to cum in my sink.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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