I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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