Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
