i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
