so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
