Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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