i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
