Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
