I'm passing your future prison.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
