I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
