I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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