Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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