I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
