i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
