we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
