We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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