Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
