I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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