I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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