Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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