Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
