I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
