They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
