I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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