i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
