No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
