Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize