He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need to stop coming to work sober
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
