idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
