I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
