awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
