If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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