do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
