Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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