The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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