You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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