I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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