Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
