We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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