Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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