I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
