I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
