That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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